Panty Raid
by Bookah
Summary: Megumi is determined to get to the bottom of Aqua's bottom. Mostly, what covers said item. Will Kazuma finally be able to solve the riddle of Aqua's undies for her once and for all? Rated M for being just plain gratuitous about frilly underthings. Oneshot.


The Adventurer's Guild was its usual riot of partying. Taylor's adventuring group had pulled a 100,000 Eris job, and this was all the excuse people needed to cut up a little. Luna was running about serving copious amounts of drink, her face just as calm and pleasant as ever in spite of the rush of business. Mitsurugi was flexing for Wiz (and getting nowhere with it). Even Chris had made a rare appearance, dancing on a table and juggling knives for an audience.

Aqua, as usual, was putting on her little party tricks, generating colored sprays of water, waving fans, and being generally entertaining to anyone who didn't have to actually adventure with her. The goddess had begun her act the moment the award had been announced, and was happily mooching drinks off of anyone offering them. Kazuma really didn't mind all that much, as the display of her useless skills did mean that she wasn't mooching off of him for once.

Darkness sat across from Kazuma. No one was threatening her, none of the adventurers had any sort of ichor on their armor, and there weren't any slavering beasts around. As a result, the buxom woman was acting like an almost normal companion for once. She was actually discussing something as mundane and entirely non-perverse as ensuring the mansion had an adequate supply of wood for the fireplace. Kazuma had little hope that the mood would last, as Darkness could somehow make an abusive fetish out of anything, given half a chance.

A swirl of red caught Kazuma's eye. Megumin, the diminutive Crimson Mage of his so-called party, had just re-entered the room after a trip to attend to natural matters. Kazuma found himself smiling at her return. Sure, she was flat as a board, and obsessively useless when it came to her magical skills, but at least she was someone Kazuma could actually talk to. Maybe she had the butt of a child and the curves of a fence post, but she did pack a brain around with her. In the middle of the night, with no distractions, he actually had to admit to a certain fondness for her that he did not hold for the rest of his companions, simply because she actually had enough intelligence to hold her own in a conversation.

Megumin's path back to the table wound past the spot where Aqua was holding court. Megumin ignored the display, wiggling her way through the crowd that had gathered, only for her already barely large enough to see body to disappear altogether with an awkward cry. Kazuma heard laughter and saw some motion as people shuffled to make a little room. Aqua stopped her performance and looked down around her feet. "Are you alright, Megumin?"

On a hunch, Kazuma stood up and hurried over. He brushed through the onlookers, and found the little mage laying on the floor in a puddle of colored water. She was on her back, staring upward at an angle that was clearly aimed up Aqua's absurdly short skirt. One hand splashed in the water for a moment, then slid over to clasp the wizard's staff she carried with her everywhere.

Megumin's eye narrowed, and her lips began to move.

"Blackness deeper than the deepest ocean,

"I urge you to come forth to meet my need for vengeance.

"Awaken the destructive power to wreak havoc on this one who has wronged me…

Kazuma quickly ducked down next to Megumin. "Hey! Megumin! Stop it. You'll blow me up too."

Megumin glanced over toward Kazuma, then closed her mouth firmly. She sat up in the puddle and nodded to him, then picked up her hat and placed it back on her head. "I'm going home."

"I'll come with you," Kazuma replied. He stood and offered Megumin a hand. The girl took it, and rose to her feet with his help. She dusted the back of her robe, a useless gesture given that it was soaked through. With exaggerated dignity she strode towards the door, Kazuma in tow.

The evening outside was far quieter than the excitement inside. Kazuma and Megumin both paused a moment, taking in a deep breath of the fragrant air. Even inside the walls of Axel they could smell the green of growing things and the delicate scents of flowers. He could even make out a slight smell that he associated with Megumin, the faintest wisps of brimstone and smoke.

"Kazuma," Megumin spoke as they began moving once again.

"I'm Kazuma."

"Something occurred to me while I was laying there in that puddle."

Kazuma glanced over to Megumin. Her expression was its usual placid display of slight disinterest. "Oh?"

"I couldn't tell if Aqua wears underwear or not."

"I've wondered myself."

"That's because you're a pervert."

Kazuma glared at Megumin. "Says the flat chested little loli that brought up another girl's panties!"

Megumin returned Kazuma's glare with interest. "Hey! How about you explain to me how you get off thinking that I'm a mere loli, you pedo-NEET!"

Kazuma loomed over Megumin, his arms spread over his head to grab her. "You have no tits!"

"I do too! You oggled them in the hot spring!" Megumin reached up and snatched Kazuma's hands in her own, seeking to push them away.

Kazuma shoved right back. "I was trying to see Darkness' breasts, little girl!"

"Pervert!"

"Flatty!"

"Stalker!"

"Boy boobs!"

After several minutes of wrestling in the street, barking insults all the way, Kazuma and Megumin wound up laying side by side, staring up at the darkening sky. They caught their breath that way, neither feeling particularly inclined to move in spite of their presence in the middle of the road. Kazuma watched as a star came into view above him, then shrugged.

"So you were saying about Aqua's panties?"

Megumin nodded. "I don't think she has any."

"So…"

"So I think you should check."

Kazuma rolled his head over to the side to look at Megumin.

"You don't seriously expect me to walk up to her and lift her skirt."

"Of course not." Megumin looked met Kazuma's eyes. "I expect you to steal her underwear."

"But…"

"You've stolen every other girl's underwear. Even mine. You may as well finish the job."

Kazuma sat for a second. "This wouldn't have anything to do with her causing you to fall into that puddle, would it?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"It so does…" Kazuma sighed.

As Aqua and Darkness approached the mansion, Kazuma stepped out into the path in front of them. The two women stopped in surprise, and then Darkness began to wiggle in a disturbing fashion. "He has that look on his face," the crusader woman rasped, her voice already threatening to become rapturous.

Kazuma grinned. He braced his feet and reached out his hand with a salacious wiggle of his fingers. He drew in a breath, then released it in a mighty shout. "STEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAL!"

Blue light flashed from his palm, illuminating the trees and bushes lining the path. A gust of wind lifted his cape behind him, making it flutter. In front of him he could see the wind kicking up Aqua and Darkness' hair along with any loose bits of clothing. Leaves blew about, and dust was stirred.

In an eyeblink he began chuckling. He could feel cloth pinched between his fingers. With a laugh he straightened to eye what he was holding as Aqua and Darkness both stared at him, mouths agape.

The panties he held were black, with delicate lace and a cute little red bow. Kazuma stared for a moment, then looked at Aqua. "What is this?"

Aqua shrugged, then turned and looked at Darkness. Darkness looked back, and shrugged. "They're not mine."

Confused, Kazuma brought them closer to his face for a closer study. A light scent wafted off of them on the lingering breeze left over from his spell. Surprised, he brought them up to his nose and inhaled.

"Brimstone?"

A sudden, horrible thought occurred to Kazuma. He looked past Aqua and Darkness and studied the path behind them. There, mostly concealed by Aqua, stood Megumin. Doubtless the girl had stepped out to watch her little revenge play out. But instead of a gloating expression, Megumin's face was glowing red and her eye was twitching.

"Spirits of darkness bathed red in destruction,

"I call to you to fulfill your glorious purpose…"

Aqua and Darkness took one look behind them, and scattered.

Kazuma slowly lowered Megumin's panties from his nose. "Say, Megumin…"

Eris fidgeted in her seat. It was not that she minded seeing Kazuma, even if it did mean he had died yet again. Nor was it the certain knowledge that Aqua was likely to make yet another unwelcome appearance. It was simply that, this time, Kazuma was sitting there holding a pair of black panties. She gave a shy smile, and watched as the boy gave an awkward shrug in reply. "Don't ask."


End file.
